Come on, now…. Seriously.
I want, a boyfriend who i can call my best friend. One who i can share all my secrets with, and one who’d share all his with me so we’d know everything about each other. I want a guy who’d never be afraid to tell me and everyone else how he feels about me, one who’d write poems or songs and…
I’ll get stoned for what I’m about to confess. Why is it so difficult to admit something to yourself, but not to others? I know he’ll always remain as he is and neither of us know the right thing too well to even have a glimpse of the destruction it would lead if such human actions were to occur. I never thought I would utter the miserable words again but alas, spending time with him much too much had caused my inevitable feelings to soften me & solidify my theory of platonic opposite sex relationship cannot exist. I’m confused and terrified more than I can imagine. My heart, yet again has set my brain in imprisonment.
"I’m falling for my best friend." - and as I confess these words to those closest to my heart and especially, to myself - I cannot seem to shake it off.
We are exact counterparts of each other - just eras apart.
There’s no way to handle this humanly dimplomatic as possible. My hands are tied and I will wait on Him. I cannot make a move for I know it will be a mistake.
All the while, I’ll sulk inwardly of all the times this has happened and this time, I hope it will be handled gracefully.
Excuse me, while I throw shoes.
Oftentimes, I’ve asked the same question: why am I still in this season; whether my season is in the valley or the mountain. “Take me away; far, far away from this place” - much like Jenny’s prayer as a child in “Forrest Gump”. I’ve often wondered why God has yet to pluck me out of my situation. The rainy season, the drought - they take turns in my life & where I am right now has been a constant battle for about 13 years now. I question God, I ask Him foolish questions, I get angry - presumably, I’m not alone in this. However, I think I’ve figured out why He’s stayed silent all this time. I need to soak, to simmer, to grow in order to reap the harvest. I need to glory in my tribulations no matter how little or big it is. I need to just take a chill pill & let God manifest in my medications. There’s nothing like waiting for something. For someone. As long as I’m breathing, I am hopeful that things will turn around, work for the better for me, and I will be with him. There’s nothing like knowing God has created the perfect person for you. There’s nothing like being excited for that… no matter the innumerable times you’ve cried yourself to sleep. There is nothing like living out the dream when the sleep-mode is over. There is nothing like doing some things alone… silently waiting for the greatest gift your Heavenly Father can give you: the better of your other half. Post Valentine’s, I still feel the same as I did two days ago and yesterday. The need, the want, the yearn still remains. Increasingly so, as the hours go by. Though, there is nothing I can do but wait.
WELL… they discovered Santa.